The folks at home half the time are thinkin' about dirt;
It sort of gives 'em horrors an' they act as if it hurt;
The sight of just a little makes 'em daffy as can be-
They're always washin' somethin', and half the time it's me.
It ain't because I wet my feet that gives me colds and such;
"Tain't runnin' round that keeps me thin-it's cause I'm washed too much.
It does no good to tell 'em, they're so stubborn, but I hope
That some day they'll discover what deceitful stuff is soap.
I tell you very often when my hands was clean and white
I've gone along to wash 'em 'cause it did no good to fight.
When I stuck'em in the basin, it was plain enough to see
The soap would make the water as dirty as could be.
If folks would give me half a chance with soap that didn't cheat,
I guess they'd be surprised to find I'm nacherally neat;
I'd take on flesh and leave off havin' colds and' such, I know.
And no one would complain about the parts of me that show.